A few weeks ago I was invited to give a webinar on “The Influence of Martin Buber on Gestalt Therapy” to a large group of psychotherapists from over the globe. It was fun. A week later I received a message from one of the participants who said that she was in my home town, Tel Aviv and asked if she could come to over to film me for a broadcast on Enlightenment. Enlightenment? What do I know about enlightenment? But my motto is: when the cosmos offers you an opportunity you become the “Yes Man.”

She showed up at my door with a camera, a tripod and a bottle of water. As we entered my study she mentioned that she had read my book, “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Enlightenment” that I had written about 20 years ago. I would have been 67 years old then, and now I’m…You do the math.

She aimed her camera directly at me and asked briskly, “So what is enlightenment?”

“It’s waking up from the nightmare”

“What?”

“You’re living the nightmare by believing the noise in your head. Enlightenment is not a thing but a process. It’s nothing you reach for. It’s a route you take to spiritual growth,”

“So what’s the process? Walk me through it” she retorted.

“Ok, so let’s begin with surrendering.”

“Surrendering…?”

“You begin by surrendering the control of your life to the flow and listening intensely to what your body is telling you as opposed to your mind. You learn to distinguish between the voice of God and the noise in your head. A caterpillar morphs into a cocoon and then into a butterfly by going with the flow. She doesn’t pay attention to the noise, “Who are you to become a butterfly? You really believe you can fly? Get a day job.” Etc.

“I told my wife she was perfect. (What?!!) If she isn’t perfect I’m going to suffer. I’m okay with pain but I’m not going to choose to agonize. How did I do that? I decided to accept everything as perfect just the way it is. If I refuse to fall in love with the ‘the here and now’ I will be doomed to the lurid and dwell in hell.”

“Is that enlightenment?”

“I Dunno.”

She adjusted the camera and blurted, “How can you say that? Aren’t there crimes to humanity, homelessness and sickness in the world?”

“Yes. And it has been like that since the Big Bang. The Buddha said, ‘There is suffering in the world.’ I could whimper and whine that life is not fair and become a victim. If there is such a thing as heaven, I don’t think there are many of those there. Victimhood sucks and it’s a great way to manipulate others.  It also causes resentment and that’s a horrible way to live.”

“So what do you suggest?”

“Gratefulness. It’s the best antidote to victimhood and resentment. Visualize living in a constant state of grace by being grateful for everything. Imagine waking up in the morning and giving thanks for this wonderful, temporary gift called life. I am grateful for this breath I am breathing, for the colors I’m seeing, for the food I am tasting. I am appreciative of living in the abundance of love, joy, wisdom, optimism good health and wealth. Try that for a few days and pay attention to how you feel. Einstein said, ‘Either everything is a miracle or nothing is a miracle.’ I choose to believe that everything is a miracle.”

“How do you simply ‘choose’ to believe that?”

“Awareness, or some call it mindfulness.”

“Is that enlightenment?”

“I Dunno, but becoming aware offers you options on how you want to be in the world. A few years back I went to a twelve-day silent meditation retreat. You just sit with your cute self all day and concentrate on your breathing and notice what comes up. I would look over at someone and automatically criticize and judge without ever having met them: ‘This woman reminds me of a cockroach, that guy is an asshole and this one next to me is a schmuck.’

The day before exiting the retreat and entering the ‘real’ world we were invited to spend a good part of the day meeting talking to one another. I got personal with all those I had judged, and realized that they were fantastic, smart and loving people. I suddenly became aware of how this behavior was negatively effecting my relationships. I made the conscious decision that same day to never judge, criticize or compare anyone ever again. From then on I would experience every encounter with love and positive regard.

And you know what? Everyone is me in drag anyway. There is something in me I refuse to accept and so I project that part of myself onto others. This is a great way to learn and take possession of disowned parts of myself. To love everyone as myself. That’s part of the process.”

“Is that enlightenment?”

“I Dunno”.

She became silent. I asked, “How do you feel right now?”

Silence

Ok, dear reader. You’ve had enough for today and thanks for coming this far. I will continue with “Enlightenment is…I Dunno” Part two in my next blog. See you then.

I am you and you are me and we are one, oop duppi doo.

I love you

www.lennyravich.org

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I hope to have my 87th birthday this July, and some people ask me if I am afraid of death. My answer is: “Of course not. I’m too old to die”.

In my last article I spoke about the highest speaking echelon called “The Joker is Wild.” But I promised to reveal the secret of an even higher stratum: The Master Speaker! I would like to talk about my journey, if I may.

Mastery can be achieved in any field or subject, but it required my determination and willingness to identify my core passion and signature strength, which eventually became my mission and purpose in life. 

Mastery is not really a goal but rather a process or a journey. It is not reserved for the super-talented. It is available to anyone who is willing to get on the path and stay on it, regardless of age, sex or previous experience. Achieving immediate gratification and instant success is out of the question. To be a master is to be a learner. To be a learner, I’ve got to be willing to be a fool.

“Stay foolish” …Steve Jobs.

It started with baby steps. I worked and I learned…slowly. I found myself becoming impatient. And then after some time, a light went on. I made progress. Then I reached a plateau and didn’t seem to budge. I realized that going for mastery wasn’t going to bring me the quick rewards I had hoped for.

 There was a seemingly endless road ahead of me with numerous setbacks along the way, and plenty of time on the plateau where long hours of diligent practice gained me no apparent progress at all. It was not a pleasure for someone like me who is highly goal-oriented. 

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway

I realized that I had to make a decision at some point along the expedition. I was tempted to drop everything and look for something easier or I could stay on the long…extremely time-consuming and painful road to mastery. I chose to stay. I couldn’t envision my life without being a master-speaker-comic. I felt the fear and did it anyway.

I’m a workhorse, not a genius.  “I will get to my goal in life, but slowly and with much anguish”. This was my path. It would take me twenty years to become an overnight success. 

I took the route in becoming a master in the field of humor and laughter. I was committed to enjoying the ride. I read any book I could find on the subjects, attended congresses, workshops and courses all over the world and sought out the best teachers, gurus and guides who could help me to learn how to serve others through discovering my own expertise and eloquence.

I found that passion may lead me to the platform, but mastery would sustain me. I knew instinctively that practice would afford me the opportunity to reach greater heights.

The Challenges

I even received many invitations to give talks at events taking place in restaurants. Some speechmakers I know personally have vowed never to appear during a dinner due to the super, poor conditions.

One time I presented in a bistro which was divided into two rooms. If one-half of the audience saw and heard me, the other half couldn’t. I spent the entire presentation running from room to room laughing out loud. It was the theater of the absurd. Why didn’t I refuse to present under those pitiable circumstances? Because this was one more step in becoming a master that I found hard to refuse. “Bring it on, baby.”   

There is no such thing as making a vow, starting out to accomplish a goal and not being confronted the opportunities to overcome trials. Conflicts were my good friends since they tested my strength. Many times I agreed to continue my talks even though the room was so dark you couldn’t even see me and the soun….soun…sound was fla-w-ed to the po-oi-nt of farcicality. I didn’t walk off stage as many performers do. Oh, no. My higher spirits would tell me, “Deal with it, kid. This is just grist for the mill.”

Added Value

In order to be number one in my field of choice meant going the extra mile in giving my audiences added value. I would not only be funny and hear the laughter, but I would also promise them that if they took out an hour of their valuable time to listen to me that I would get them to feel better about themselves, plus they would be given skills on how to perceive life in a lighter and enhanced way.

 I would always ask myself: “What can I do to raise the value of my service to my audiences and the meeting planners who have shown me the trust by inviting me to speak?” 

I was committed to being a master speaker, making strides to better the world and myself with each presentation and blessing these challenges that afforded me in reaching a higher level.  THE WIZARD! I will write about this character in my next article.

If you would like to book a comical, inspirational speaker for your next event, or would like one on one sessions, contact www.lennyravich.org 

Be well.

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My cardiologist told me “I have good news and bad.” “Gimmee the bad news first,” I moaned. “You have to have an angioplasty immediately.” “So what’s the good news?” I anticipated. Without looking up from his computer he said, “If things don’t work out, and since you are 86, there’s a chance you won’t die young.” He actually said that.

Love Language

After reading Gary Chapman’s “The 5 Love Languages” I have come to the conclusion that to have a successful relationship with anyone you have to be an excellent listener. I can watch television and listen to my wife at the same time but she needs the eye contact. She claims I’m not listening even if I can repeat what she had said back to her word by word. She needs to feel really listened to. That’s her love language. She has 36 more, but don’t tell anybody.

When my kids rage at me, I try not to answer and defend myself. I attempt to remain curious as to what they are saying and how they feel. If I could only release the need of having them see the world my way.  So I try and stay calm and blurt,” Wow! Tell me more ” How else can I learn to be in a successful relationship if I don’t pay attention to their anger, fear, sadness and joy? That could be their love language.

I told my wife she is perfect. If she’s not, It’s MY problem.

When I was newly married, I bought my wife a bracelet to show her my thanks. She didn’t respond the way I had hoped. I asked her why she wasn’t satisfied. She said that she related with excitement and love via flowers. From that day on, birthdays or wedding anniversaries are celebrated with flowers. What a relief! Flowers are so much cheaper.

Kids Will Make You Wiser

When my son called me to tell me he had auditioned for a corner on a Prime Time TV program and didn’t get the contract, I thought I had empathized with him by telling him that I was very sorry. For days he wouldn’t talk to me. I asked him why the silent treatment. He said, “You really didn’t care about my disappointment. If you were actually concerned you would have invited me out to talk about it. (What a narcissist! Just kidding. No, really. He got it from me.)

I understood right away that I had given him what I thought was my undivided attention, but that is not what he wanted. I pleaded, “Teach me what you need from me to know that I love you”.  And he did. I think I am on the path to learning his love language. Well, not actually. He’s a tough one. I’m still struggling.

Double Promising

When I was in therapy I had a regular time slot every week. One day I received a call from my talent agent asking me to audition for a movie. The hour of the screen test was exactly when I had an appointment with my counselor, so I called her up to tell her that I needed to break our engagement and added, “I know that you have kept this hour for me so I will pay you even though I can’t come.” I was absolutely shocked at her response. “What am I, a hooker? You’re going to pay me for the hour? And what about keeping your word?” I held the phone in silence as my mouth went dry. Then I said, “You sound like too many people in my life. I’ve got to work this out. I’ll be right over.”

I kept my appointment and never went to the audition. This shrink had hit on the number one element that was screwing up my relationships; double promising. I would make a prior arrangement and then if something more attractive came along I would call the first party and cancel. I had more people mad at me than Genghis Kahn. I couldn’t understand why. I thought that what I was doing was perfectly normal and even allowed others to do that to me.

This is living without boundaries and a relationship that has little or no boundaries is not going to be successful. From that one transaction with my therapist, I cleaned up my act completely and never double-promised again.

As I tell my audiences in London and Hong Kong: “Most characters in the Bible are flawed. I just happen to identify with them.” A lot.

Thanks for reading and be sure to peruse my next week’s blog “Choosing Optimism”

www.lennyravich.org

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