I will be 87 in July. Last week, I got on a bus and a lovely woman smiled at me. I smiled back. She got up and walked toward me as my heart beat out of my chest. “Would you like to sit down, sir? You can have my seat.”  Well, what did you expect? I was pregnant at the time.   

 Adding Humor to Keynotes

 I have had professionals ask me, “Can you give me some tips on how to use humor in my keynote speeches?” My answer is that there is no formula or solution. Humor is a process to be practiced.

Perhaps you have heard the story of young boy who gets lost in Manhattan. He asked an elderly gentleman, “Sir, can you tell me how I can get to Carnegie Hall?” The older man’s answer is, “Practice, my son. Lots of practice.”

I have traveled this road all my life, taken the blows, and kept walking. I can only encourage you to take that first step. I may be able to give you a few tips, but the hunting will have to be done by you.

People Love “Acted Out” Stories

When I speak I offer my audiences images, metaphors and stories. I act them out. That’s the entertainment element. I talk about how my school administrators recommended that I be referred to a special education class when I was twelve. I was diagnosed as being overly joyous. I used to eat make believe peanut butter and cracker sandwiches during lessons to the delight of my classmates.  As I retell this vignette, I pantomime eating. M-mm. Delicious. It has a hypnotic effect. Though it didn’t work that way for my teachers! 

 I talk about my mother’s sense of humor and how it was passed on to me. She ate garlic every night before bed. (One night she forgot and HERE I AM!  But I digress).  “Mom, why do you eat garlic at night?” She explained, “If the angel of death comes, I’ll wake up and ask, “Whooooooo is it?”

A message is more readily received with a representation. I stand on stage as if holding a bowling ball. I pantomime throwing it with much concentration so as to knock down as many pins as possible. BUT! The bowling ball is headed toward the gutter. I demonstrate my dismay by trying to control the ball by making absurd faces and contorting my body to get it back on track.  I turn to the spectators and ask, “Is that familiar in your life? Is that how you want to live?” One picture and my message is predictable, most often with smiles. Now I can proceed to the narrative as to how this has happened in my life and how I overcame it. Can you think of an image you could use to enhance your meaning? Entertain them and they will remember.

The Ego

I am aware of my constant struggle with my ego. My show could be a great hit on any given night. However, if one person in the audience yawns or doesn’t laugh, I go into a fit. I’m attached to the unattainable belief that everyone must like me.

A man approached me in the supermarket to tell me how much he enjoyed my show. Instead of thanking him, I asked, “Was that the Thursday night or the Saturday night show?”            

Am I neurotic, overly sensitive, or manic-depressive? Maybe all three. Nobody says I have to be perfect. When I realize that I’m asking for the impossible I gently deal with this by joking and laughing at myself. 

Laughing at Myself

Making fun of ourselves does not belittle us. The opposite is true. It makes us stronger. Teaching an audience to laugh at themselves is a healing process.

I was arrested and spent some time in police detention for a mistake that I will talk about in another blog. I wrote to my wife, “You must be all worn out worrying about me. Perhaps we could trade places for a little while so that you could get some rest.” She didn’t think that was funny.

The night before his demise an inmate wrote, “The food in the Nazi death camp is really insufficient; but then again, I don’t think it is their intention to try and fatten us up. “Self-Humor has even eased the tragedy of facing death.      

A woman came up to me before my keynote presentation in London and said, “I came to laugh. It’s been a long time.” I asked her why the lengthy wait and her straight forward answer was: “I lost my son in a traffic accident. I’ve suffered enough. I’ve come here to return to life.”

With a humorous keynote speech, you have a mission. I invite you to recall a real-life situation, sit down and write an image with a funny script describing your most agonizing moments. Your listeners want to identify. But You don’t have to be amusing unless you want to be invited back.  

That’s the best I can offer at this point. 

If would like to invite a humorous keynote speaker to your event, contact www.lennyravich.org. Also for private coaching sessions. 

The post Adding Humor to Your Keynote appeared first on Lenny Ravich.

I’m 86 going on 87 in July and at my age just finding a place to sit is much preferred to an evening of romance.  

In my previous blog I wrote about the Master public speaker. Now we get to the most commanding figure of them all: 

The Keynote Speaker as Wizard

This Sorcerer is not a designated card, but is out of the game. It requires playing or not playing the game of life as a choice. 

 Achieving the status of wizard is the ultimate in creating any reality I desire depending on my attitude and response to the cards I am dealt; transforming split seconds of pain, agony and tragedy into moments of triumph, laughter and compassion. This honor also comes with taking the responsibility of confronting myself as the main protagonist and antagonist in my life’s drama. Except for my panic attacks when I lose my internet connection.

It’s all a game

I am not a magician. The magician only knows tricks accomplished with sleight of hand, but I have developed the uncanny perception affording me to see all reality as just a game to be played out and not something to be involved in and/or, God forbid, to be taken seriously. 

I play just to play and not to win or lose and look at experiences such as winning and losing, fame and shame, success and failure, pleasure and pain, and rich and poor, up and down, love or hate, life and death- all as the same inclination and just part of the ride. Excluding my hysteria when my wife enters my computer room unannounced. 

 This power to detach from reality and look at life as a high-valued comedy has won me the privilege to be the controller of all responses, reactions, feelings, moods and outcomes. I see life as pure entertainment. But not when my kids ask me for money.

The Wizard Speaker

I became a wizard speaker; This clout came to me only when I finally accepted the fact that every person in the audience, and any and every person on earth for that matter, was me in drag. That is why I have never blamed spectators nor any individual for not being accepting or responsive. It’s all me. They are the mirror of my soul. And so are you, dear reader. There is no such thing as separation. Separation is an illusion Everything in the universe is interrelated with everything else. There is no flower without a bee and no bee without a flower. All that we do and think is immediately impacted on the cosmos and has an effect on everything and everyone. I must be careful what I say, think, feel and do. It all goes around and comes back. Especially when I have to wake up a number of times at night to pee. An enlarged prostate is a joy forever!

When I realized that what I was witnessing was the result of my own projections, I decided to accept that part of me that I was foretelling onto the audience, acknowledging it as another discovery about myself that would advance my ability to love that very same shadow part in me that I was projecting onto other people, and to love those whom I had allowed previously to threaten me. As a result, I have found my way into as many hearts as possible. By choosing to love the people I had once feared has afforded me new friends and by the end of an hour’s talk, I could take them and myself to unbelievable heights. But not if they owed me money! 

Connection

The reason that people come to hear any speaker is connection. They want to be loved and to love. They want to be spoken to on an eye to eye level and will eat you alive if you come on as patronizing. I have to show my own vulnerability, pain and shortcomings in order to bond. Audiences find it difficult to get close to a person who tries to be perfect.  Every lecture and every interaction becomes a life lesson. Particularly when my cat needs my attention during a Zoom conference call.

 I have to accept the responsibility of making this day better than yesterday and making the world a better place at each opportunity. If what you think I am doing on these pages is bragging, then know this… If I do not accept my powers, I cannot teach others to accept theirs and would not even be blessed to write this article.

To have a positive effect, I must imagine it in my mind’s eye. Prior to every performance and every workshop, I say silently to myself, “This is going to be the best I’ve ever done. What will I learn from this?” I am not attached to the result. Apart from when I’m in a traffic jam and running late. 

 I had to surrender my control to a higher authority. I just buckle my seat belt, live with tremendous excitement and anticipation, and allow the journey to run its “planned by-the-higher-power” course. I relax into it, surrender to where I’m taken. Mainly when my accountant calls to tell me that I’m late in tax payments.

 I am honored and privileged to stand before any audience of any size and try to provide whatever it is that they need. It’s not about me. Most of all, I feel blessed to be in the service and in the presence of God.  So why not craft love, passion, happiness, joy, wealth, good health, well-being, compassion, peace of mind and fabulous relationships every moment? But not when somebody cuts me off in traffic. The SOB!

I practice happiness by experiencing all emotions without judgmental narratives. The wizard has no excuses nor expectations. But they should have paid me on time!  

I carry love and joy in my heart. All the rest is bullshit. 

If your aim is to become a wizard, please be kind.  

If you would like to book a humorous wizard-speaker for your next event or prefer personal coaching, contact www.lennyravich.org

The post The Keynote Speaker as Wizard appeared first on Lenny Ravich.

I hope to have my 87th birthday this July, and some people ask me if I am afraid of death. My answer is: “Of course not. I’m too old to die”.

In my last article I spoke about the highest speaking echelon called “The Joker is Wild.” But I promised to reveal the secret of an even higher stratum: The Master Speaker! I would like to talk about my journey, if I may.

Mastery can be achieved in any field or subject, but it required my determination and willingness to identify my core passion and signature strength, which eventually became my mission and purpose in life. 

Mastery is not really a goal but rather a process or a journey. It is not reserved for the super-talented. It is available to anyone who is willing to get on the path and stay on it, regardless of age, sex or previous experience. Achieving immediate gratification and instant success is out of the question. To be a master is to be a learner. To be a learner, I’ve got to be willing to be a fool.

“Stay foolish” …Steve Jobs.

It started with baby steps. I worked and I learned…slowly. I found myself becoming impatient. And then after some time, a light went on. I made progress. Then I reached a plateau and didn’t seem to budge. I realized that going for mastery wasn’t going to bring me the quick rewards I had hoped for.

 There was a seemingly endless road ahead of me with numerous setbacks along the way, and plenty of time on the plateau where long hours of diligent practice gained me no apparent progress at all. It was not a pleasure for someone like me who is highly goal-oriented. 

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway

I realized that I had to make a decision at some point along the expedition. I was tempted to drop everything and look for something easier or I could stay on the long…extremely time-consuming and painful road to mastery. I chose to stay. I couldn’t envision my life without being a master-speaker-comic. I felt the fear and did it anyway.

I’m a workhorse, not a genius.  “I will get to my goal in life, but slowly and with much anguish”. This was my path. It would take me twenty years to become an overnight success. 

I took the route in becoming a master in the field of humor and laughter. I was committed to enjoying the ride. I read any book I could find on the subjects, attended congresses, workshops and courses all over the world and sought out the best teachers, gurus and guides who could help me to learn how to serve others through discovering my own expertise and eloquence.

I found that passion may lead me to the platform, but mastery would sustain me. I knew instinctively that practice would afford me the opportunity to reach greater heights.

The Challenges

I even received many invitations to give talks at events taking place in restaurants. Some speechmakers I know personally have vowed never to appear during a dinner due to the super, poor conditions.

One time I presented in a bistro which was divided into two rooms. If one-half of the audience saw and heard me, the other half couldn’t. I spent the entire presentation running from room to room laughing out loud. It was the theater of the absurd. Why didn’t I refuse to present under those pitiable circumstances? Because this was one more step in becoming a master that I found hard to refuse. “Bring it on, baby.”   

There is no such thing as making a vow, starting out to accomplish a goal and not being confronted the opportunities to overcome trials. Conflicts were my good friends since they tested my strength. Many times I agreed to continue my talks even though the room was so dark you couldn’t even see me and the soun….soun…sound was fla-w-ed to the po-oi-nt of farcicality. I didn’t walk off stage as many performers do. Oh, no. My higher spirits would tell me, “Deal with it, kid. This is just grist for the mill.”

Added Value

In order to be number one in my field of choice meant going the extra mile in giving my audiences added value. I would not only be funny and hear the laughter, but I would also promise them that if they took out an hour of their valuable time to listen to me that I would get them to feel better about themselves, plus they would be given skills on how to perceive life in a lighter and enhanced way.

 I would always ask myself: “What can I do to raise the value of my service to my audiences and the meeting planners who have shown me the trust by inviting me to speak?” 

I was committed to being a master speaker, making strides to better the world and myself with each presentation and blessing these challenges that afforded me in reaching a higher level.  THE WIZARD! I will write about this character in my next article.

If you would like to book a comical, inspirational speaker for your next event, or would like one on one sessions, contact www.lennyravich.org 

Be well.

The post THE MASTER SPEAKER appeared first on Lenny Ravich.

 Since I will be 87 in July I have to take lots of pills. And whenever my doctor gives me a prescription I immediately read the side effects.  The list consists of nausea, constipation and worst of all I have to stop nursing my babies.                           

I’d like to walk with you through the stages of a public speaker’s journey. I use the metaphor of a deck of cards since that is how I experienced my passage. 

Deuce to Ten

I started out with card numbers two to ten which have little or no power. Seasoned poker players seldom make bets on cards of this type. Being a 2 to 10 is when I am making calls and requesting the privilege of speaking before a group and am asked, “Who are you? Why should I hire you to speak before my team?” A good question for which my elevator speech draws an astounding blank. 

I start to perform toll-free or for a nominal fee just to get a name or some exposure, and take the blows and survive the cuts. It’s painful coupled with the feeling of ineffectiveness.   Okay so I finally get hired, perform, and watch people walk out, talk to each other or on their cell phones and fall asleep during my talks. I suffer the humiliation at the meeting planners chagrin and feel like crap, and ask myself, “What went wrong? I’m a loser. Do I kill myself or look for a job at the post office?” (Of which the first option seems the better of the two). Then I go back to the drawing board, make corrections and revisions, lick my wounds and try again.

The Jack

 Failure for a professional at numbers two to ten in a deck of cards becomes nothing more than feedback from the universe. If I continue to get thrown out, land on the sidewalk, get up, brush off the dust and keep moving and if don’t whine and cry and give up I might reach the status of “Jack.”

When my son Natti started out in his career as an actor, I asked him to please fail. “Why fail? Am I not supposed to succeed?”” he asked. “You will succeed but to be a true artist, you must get over the fear of failure, and the only way to do that is to fail on purpose and realize that it’s not the end of the world.  Don’t play it safe. That’s the sure road to mediocrity.” He did it and we now joke as we reminisce. 

King and Queen

Even as the Jack I am only allowed entrance to the King’s and Queen’s court on condition. Now people are asking for my business card and taking me a bit more seriously. I currently have the opportunity to perfect my art and craft and gain the power of a Queen and King.

Being King and Queen is cool. It means I am getting a credible name in the marketplace. I’m starting to know my stuff, learn from the successful dominators, read books, attend workshops, and get mentored. Now I’m gaining confidence. People begin looking to me for inspiration and knowledge, and I become quite full of myself. But, as the King I am stuck in my ego. The King, as experienced and as erudite as he is, is not the top of the ladder.

The Ace

Suddenly, as I start to perfect my supremacy, read more, study with the best, I realize that there is a character even more influential than the King and that is THE ACE.

 As the ace I feel empowered and go around trying to impress people with my flair and pomp. I begin to get high on my own supply as a “TOP GUN”. Lots of admiration as well as jealousy are heaped on. I stay in focus, realizing that it’s not about me but rather the giving of value to others and offering to teach and to inspire and coach beginners. Becoming an ACE is reaching a plateau. This status is most difficult to reach and the most practiced specialists fail to get out of this peg. 

The Joker is Wild

However, there is one echelon even above the Ace and that is reserved for the very few. This one who knows that dying is easy and comedy is hard is the “THE JOKER”. The joker is wild and can get away with just about anything even poking fun at the King. The Ace is impotent around the Joker. As a matter of fact, The Joker’s task in life is to make fun of the King in order to keep him out of his ego and, as a result the joker becomes a more dominant figure. I relate this figure to Steve Jobs’ discourse to the graduating class of Stanford University in 2005. His final sentence was, “Stay Foolish.”

As a JOKER, everything I do is accepted as “Oh, he’s just being the Joker and ‘the Joker is wild’.” This journey has afforded me the privilege of being a Funny, inspiring Keynote Speaker in London  

The person coming up from the ranks from the deuce to the Ace could never get away with the antics of the Joker. But even this achievement is not the end of the ride.

 A good speaker will impress you. A great speaker influences your life. A MASTER speaker changes your life forever which I will discuss in my next blog.

If you would like to book a humorous, inspirational keynote speaker for your next event or prefer a private session, contact: www.lennyravich.org

The post The Joker is Wild appeared first on Lenny Ravich.

My parents came to the USA from Russia before The Great Depression. As a child, whenever I wanted to buy something my mother would say in Yiddish, “Daft Nisht. Tzee Fil” which translated means, “You don’t need it. It’s too expensive.” She would also exclaim, “Eat your sandwich over the sink so crumbs won’t drop on the floor,” adding “and take that shirt off before you eat. I like that shirt and you always drop food all over it.” Then I got married and my wife keeps saying the exact same things. Did I marry my mother, or what?

So let’s talk about your prepared performance. Again, I can’t teach you how to present. I can only tell you how I do it and you take it from there.

Show Time

 I’m backstage ready to go on. I take three deep breaths and say, as I inhale, “I’m here” and on the exhale. “Now.” I’m “here, now” grounds me to the present moment and I begin to notice what I’m feeling. “Anxiety”? No. Let’s change that to “excitement”. I’m excited to be here now. I ask God, “Are you with me?” She answers, “Always. Just get out of the way and let ME take over” as the sponsor reads the very short introduction that I had mailed her previously. “…And Lenny is here today to offer us the choice to dance life or to drag it. Let’s have a nice round of applause….”

On Stage

So now I’m out there and take a few moments to look over the crowd, take another deep breath and fall in love with all the faces looking up at me. Yes, you read that correctly. I fall purposely in love. There’s a good chance they will feel it and respond in kind.

Reality is Projection

It wasn’t always like that. Some psychologist once said, “Everything is projection.” So even if my audience is having a great time, my eyes inevitably fall and stay on the ones who seem not to be entertained or pleased. (Is that my “I’m not good enough” jingle playing its familiar tune?) But one day I learned my lesson.  

It was an afternoon performance for retired doctors and most were amused, laughing and learning when I noticed this one guy sitting with his arms and legs crossed and had a look on his face that would make a lemon cringe with envy. I was visibly upset. He came back stage with a gaze that could kill a vampire. I waited for the “Will Smith” slap across my face, but instead he just looked me straight in the eye and mumbled, “I enjoyed your talk very much. Thank you.” Thanks to YOU, sir wherever you may be. True: Not everyone has to love me. What I project I inject.

Back at the Ranch

“Nice to be here in London again. How are you? This July I hope to celebrate my 87th birthday. (Applause) Thanks. It’s nice to get applause just for staying alive.” (Laughter) “This last December my wife and I rejoiced our 57th wedding anniversary. (Applause) Would you like to know how our marriage has lasted so long? It’s that most amazing emotion in the world. Fear. (Laughter) She’s afraid to live alone and I’m afraid of her” (laughter and applause). 

We are not just speaker and audience anymore. We are friends. Get someone laughing and applauding and poof! She’s your buddy now. Then the stories, the metaphors, the jokes and the learning that they will play forward and long remember. 

Wrapping up

“And before I go, I’m going to thank you all for your time, attention and love. And then, I invite you to give me a standing ovation, with whistles and screams, and sing to me, ‘That’s the way, uh huh, uh huh I like it, uh huh uh huh.’ (Laughter) “You see, in a few minutes I’m going to call my wife and she’s going to ask me how my keynote was in London. And I’m going to tell her (acted out on phone) ‘Darling. You won’t believe this. At the end of my talk, everyone gave me a standing ovation and sang to me ‘That’s the way uh huh uh huh I like it a huh a huh a huh.’ I put imaginary phone away, look straight at the joyful grins and add, “And I don’t want to lie to her. So try not to embarrass me. Thank you.” Bingo! How do you think that event ended?

I hope this has stimulated you in performing your next show. If you need some “one on one” guidance you can reach me at www.lennyravich.org. Or maybe you need a funny, motivational keynote speaker for your next event.

Let me know how it’s going for you.    

The post It’s Performance Time appeared first on Lenny Ravich.

I will celebrate (I hope) my 87th birthday in July. I’ve noticed that the older I become, the more respect and attention gets thrust upon me. People all around are asking if they can help me with my suitcases and constantly inquiring if I’m alright. I had to wait to get old to get recognized. If I had known this before, I would have chosen to be born old rather than waiting so long for these privileges.

This January, 2023, I gave a talk for The Professional Speakers’ Association of India (PSAI) in Chennai titled, “You Don’t Have to Be Entertaining Unless you want to Get Paid”. It went over amazingly. I believe that speaking to any group of people (and I think most of you do) you must entertain your audience because when they are entertained they are engaged and when they are engaged they are absorbing your message easily.

Be Funny. Make Money

Now, in this article, I would like to talk to you about engaging your audience by being funnier. That does not mean I am going to teach you to be funny. I can’t do that, but what I will do is explain how I use humor to keep the spectators’ attention with the hope that I can help you raise your awareness on how to use your own natural humor to achieve success and get more gigs and a higher fee. That’s the bottom line, right?

Reality Doesn’t Care How You Feel

First of all, I use lots of metaphors to communicate my meaning since most people think in pictures. For example, I use the image for bowling to make my argument. I actually act out a person throwing the bowling ball down the aisle at the pins and crouching over in pain trying to get the bowling ball back on target as it heads straight to the gutter after having left her hands. My message is, “reality doesn’t care about what you want or how you react” and the listeners are involved as they watch it unfold in mime. Point made! Plus, some laughter and smiles. Acting out a scene usually attains this.    

Laughing at Ourselves

Secondly, I find flaws in my own character and joke about them since that will bring audiences closer to me. They usually identify with their own bloopers when I tell them my experience as a TV announcer and forgetting my name while on a live TV broadcast. My last name is Ravich and I was known as Mr. Garbage, or Rubbish for the rest of the season and I chose another name and forgot to remember. And, of course, most people recognize what it’s like to be humiliated, thus many grins and much merriment when you admit yours. 

Everyone Loves  Story

Thirdly, everyone loves a story; especially making it a funny one that delivers your delight straight to the heart.

My son Deron stole my car when he was only 14 years old. I was not surprised since I had stolen my father’s car and I’m sure my father had stolen his father’s horse. Family tradition, you might say. I’m not proud to say that all I could afford then was a twelve-year-old, beat up Ford. One night I fell asleep and he grabbed the keys and began joy riding around town with his friends.  Then they came to a police barrier and they waved him to stop. His friends urged him, “Deron, you have no driver’s license. Press the peddle to the metal and escape!” Of course the police gave chase and he was handcuffed and taken to detention. I was called and told my son was behind bars. I rushed to the jail house and watched him, dejected and depressed. I looked straight at him and whispered, “Deron! Aren’t you ashamed of yourself? Who gives a car chase in a broken down 12-year-old Ford? Don’t come home until you’ve at least stolen a brand new Mercedes!” 

We both had a good laugh and bonded.

I must stress: Your stories must be acted out as well as told.

During my humorous keynote speeches in London I let my audiences ponder: Always remember to laugh at yourself. It’s pure, healthy and the closest thing to a prayer.

So if you are looking to book a Humorous, Inspirational Speaker for your next event contact www.lennyravich.org. Use the same address if you are ready to brainstorm with me personally.

Good Luck

The post You Don’t Have to Be Funny Unless You Want to Get Paid appeared first on Lenny Ravich.

Hello, my dear reader. I am Lenny Ravich, the author of the best-selling book “Everlasting Optimism” and Humoristic, Inspirational Keynote Speaker in London and Hong Kong. Some people ask me how one becomes an optimist. Well, like everything else, it’s a choice. At 86, I might have some experience. May I walk you through just one of many positive, optimistic days?

Choosing Optimism

It was Valentine’s Day 2001, in London. This had been my third invitation to deliver a humoristic keynote speech, “You Can Dance Life or Drag It.” As is my usual habit, I arrived a day earlier to rest, lay back and hang out with the “here and now”. I like to walk around and observe what my higher spirit has to offer. My “Buddha Walk” led me to an attractive shopping center. I decided to check it out and perhaps buy a stylish hat that I had had in mind.

Upon entering the store, I spotted my “dream”. I tried it on. It was “me”. The store owner approached and asked, “Do you like that hat? It’s from Italy. It looks very nice on you”.

I asked this stranger if he believed in God. He smiled when I told him that HE had led me to his store to get exactly what I wanted. He said, as he put my handsome purchase in a bag, “You are a very lucky man.” As I was leaving the store I replied “Yes, I am.  The Life-Force is forever sending me to places to get exactly what I need.” We shared a laugh as I walked away.

While out on the street I suddenly remembered that I needed an after shave lotion. I found a store with a cute, young sales girl. She asked me what kind of shaving lotion I had in mind. “Something that you would like.” She didn’t miss a beat and was behind the counter fetching me the lotion of her choice. I asked her to wrap it up for me. “Don’t you even want to smell it first?” she questioned.  I beamed, “If you like it, I don’t have to test it.” She blushed, “Yes, I like it.” I looked up at her and chuckled, “It’s Valentine’s Day. Aren’t you going to tell me something about love?” She said, quite assertively, “No, I don’t think so.”

As I turned to leave she blurted, “How about something for your lady?”

“I already bought her something.”

“Did she like it?”

“I haven’t given it to her yet.”

“I hope she likes it.”

“She will.”

“How do you know?”

“It’s from me. She’ll love anything as long as it’s from me.”

Now that’s Choosing Optimism

As I wandered aimlessly, it became obvious that I had lost the way to my hotel. I came upon two female police officers and asked them for directions. One brusquely asked, “Don’t you have a map?”. “Yes I do, but how else could I talk to two lovely ladies without being a male in distress?” I grinned. They both giggled and pointed out the route.

Along the way back I noticed a hot dog vendor and ordered a huge one, the likes of which I hadn’t eaten since I was a young boy, with mustard and sauerkraut. I bit into it, heard the crackle in my mouth and tasted a wave of delight right up to my eyes.

I meditated on the thought that if we would just let things happen and accept our Supernatural being’s unexpected gifts of each and every moment, and let go of the need to control “what is”, we could choose to be optimistic. Sometimes we need to let things happen rather than trying to make them happen. I keep this in mind whenever I prepare for my humorous, inspirational keynote speeches in London and Hong Kong where I remind my audiences that, “Optimism isn’t the important thing. It’s the only thing”.

What about you? May I challenge you to purposely choose optimism every day of your life?

Keep in touch and let me know how it works for you.

Lenny.ravich@gmail.com

The post Choosing Optimism appeared first on Lenny Ravich.

My cardiologist told me “I have good news and bad.” “Gimmee the bad news first,” I moaned. “You have to have an angioplasty immediately.” “So what’s the good news?” I anticipated. Without looking up from his computer he said, “If things don’t work out, and since you are 86, there’s a chance you won’t die young.” He actually said that.

Love Language

After reading Gary Chapman’s “The 5 Love Languages” I have come to the conclusion that to have a successful relationship with anyone you have to be an excellent listener. I can watch television and listen to my wife at the same time but she needs the eye contact. She claims I’m not listening even if I can repeat what she had said back to her word by word. She needs to feel really listened to. That’s her love language. She has 36 more, but don’t tell anybody.

When my kids rage at me, I try not to answer and defend myself. I attempt to remain curious as to what they are saying and how they feel. If I could only release the need of having them see the world my way.  So I try and stay calm and blurt,” Wow! Tell me more ” How else can I learn to be in a successful relationship if I don’t pay attention to their anger, fear, sadness and joy? That could be their love language.

I told my wife she is perfect. If she’s not, It’s MY problem.

When I was newly married, I bought my wife a bracelet to show her my thanks. She didn’t respond the way I had hoped. I asked her why she wasn’t satisfied. She said that she related with excitement and love via flowers. From that day on, birthdays or wedding anniversaries are celebrated with flowers. What a relief! Flowers are so much cheaper.

Kids Will Make You Wiser

When my son called me to tell me he had auditioned for a corner on a Prime Time TV program and didn’t get the contract, I thought I had empathized with him by telling him that I was very sorry. For days he wouldn’t talk to me. I asked him why the silent treatment. He said, “You really didn’t care about my disappointment. If you were actually concerned you would have invited me out to talk about it. (What a narcissist! Just kidding. No, really. He got it from me.)

I understood right away that I had given him what I thought was my undivided attention, but that is not what he wanted. I pleaded, “Teach me what you need from me to know that I love you”.  And he did. I think I am on the path to learning his love language. Well, not actually. He’s a tough one. I’m still struggling.

Double Promising

When I was in therapy I had a regular time slot every week. One day I received a call from my talent agent asking me to audition for a movie. The hour of the screen test was exactly when I had an appointment with my counselor, so I called her up to tell her that I needed to break our engagement and added, “I know that you have kept this hour for me so I will pay you even though I can’t come.” I was absolutely shocked at her response. “What am I, a hooker? You’re going to pay me for the hour? And what about keeping your word?” I held the phone in silence as my mouth went dry. Then I said, “You sound like too many people in my life. I’ve got to work this out. I’ll be right over.”

I kept my appointment and never went to the audition. This shrink had hit on the number one element that was screwing up my relationships; double promising. I would make a prior arrangement and then if something more attractive came along I would call the first party and cancel. I had more people mad at me than Genghis Kahn. I couldn’t understand why. I thought that what I was doing was perfectly normal and even allowed others to do that to me.

This is living without boundaries and a relationship that has little or no boundaries is not going to be successful. From that one transaction with my therapist, I cleaned up my act completely and never double-promised again.

As I tell my audiences in London and Hong Kong: “Most characters in the Bible are flawed. I just happen to identify with them.” A lot.

Thanks for reading and be sure to peruse my next week’s blog “Choosing Optimism”

www.lennyravich.org

The post Successful Relationships appeared first on Lenny Ravich.

When I went for my angioplasty procedure last year, I gave the cardiologist a copy of my book. “I would like to autograph it for you,” I smiled. “After the surgery,” he calmly replied. “If there IS an afterword,” I joked. He smiled with surprise, “So you’re the famous optimist?”

Where is the Humor?

If you look for the humor in everyday things, you’ll cause a lot of people to be happy. As a result, they’ll want to be around you.

I believe that seeing the funny stuff in life keeps us smiling and is a powerful survival mechanism. Too many people focus on the negative, and ouch! That can hurt.  Negative thoughts attack every cell in your body. On the other hand, positive thoughts have a healing effect.

 Another Shitty Day in Paradise

One day my wife came into my computer room to tell me of all the catastrophes that are happening in our lives. “They’re building those cellular antennas that cause cancer right next to our window, the washing machine doesn’t work, my brother hasn’t worked in six months, etc.”

Then she says, “Why don’t you react? I’m talking to you! See, you don’t listen!” I did react by telling her not to forget to add to her list that the filling in my tooth had also fallen out the day before.

Usually, when a person plugs my ear with all their woes and all the anguish and suffering of the world, I have a mechanism that blocks out and selects what material to let in lest I get poisoned.  This time, for whatever reason, I forgot to put up my firewall, bullshit detector and I got the maximum shot of venom. It felt awful, like I had swallowed a bottle of engine oil.

Thank You for the Poison

Later that afternoon we went out for our daily walk and I thanked her. “For what?” she asked. “For giving me the opportunity to allow toxins into my system,” I responded sincerely. “I can now appreciate how most of the people in this world live on a daily basis.”

If we start concentrating on what’s amusing in our lives, we would probably smile and laugh more, feel better and healthier, plus it would give us something to amuse our family and friends.

If we could create, from frustrating circumstances comical ones, we may actually lower tension. In other words, we have the power to shift our mood and influence our health. All we have to do is remember to “find the funny”.

Howie Mandel earns lots of dollars poking fun at his obsessive-compulsive disorder and hair loss. See, if you get good enough at it you could build a fortune by creating shitty days in paradise and marketing them.

 Creating a Funny Response

Just the other day I hailed a taxi in Tel Aviv. I got in, sat down and asked the driver to take me to Ben Yehuda Street. The driver, without hesitation said, “I was not thinking of going that way.”

Now this is a moment I couldn’t resist, so I responded, “Where would you like to go?” He said that he lives in Ramat Gann and was on his way home and had hoped that I would request that he take me in that direction. “Okay”, I responded, “take me to Ramat Gann.”  He stared at me wide-eyed in the mirror and inquired, “What are you going to do in Ramat Gann?” I answered, “I don’t know yet, but that’s where you want to go, right?”

I told him that this was the first time in my life that I had gotten into a cab and the driver told me where he wanted to go rather than the other way around. We both had a good laugh and he drove me to Ben Yehuda.

Can you imagine what might have proceeded had I been looking for the negative? “What chutzpah! A driver telling me where he wanted to go rather than respecting me? On what planet are we living?”…etc. You get the point? More poison and another chance for a shitty day in paradise.

I was facilitating Humorous, optimistic keynotes in London and Hong Kong. I missed home, and I missed myself. (You can’t make this stuff up): I called home to leave myself a message (this was the era before cellular phones) telling me that I missed myself. I couldn’t wait to come home to listen to the message over and over again.

So look for the foolishness or make it up. It’s all there for you like low-hanging fruit. Or have another shitty day in paradise. Your call.

www.lennyravich.org

The post Find the Funny appeared first on Lenny Ravich.

Don’t Deadlines Your Dreams

Some people who experience happiness on a regular basis are those who have dreams and take action to fulfill them. Delight is not only about achieving goals. It’s about having a dream and enjoying the ride and, the learning, growing meeting awesome people and failing a lot on the way. Failing is important. It’s a good way to learn.

What Do I Dream?

What dream? What journey? How do I know what I am destined to do in this life? The first thing to do is to listen and to observe your daydreams. Ask yourself, “Who are my heroes and why?”

Almost everyone has heroes. Some of us admire certain personalities since that tells us what we want to be like. It’s as if a caterpillar looks at a butterfly and says, “I would love to be like that someday.” That’s why it’s important to pay attention to what we pay attention to.

My heroes were Marlon Brando, Fritz Perls, (the father of Gestalt therapy), the comedian George Carlin and William Shakespeare. Have you ever thought that Spiderman may even be looking to you as his/her hero? Or Wonder Woman?

I slowly but surely became a combination of all my heroes. When I was a teen I watched Marlon Brando in the movie “Julius Caesar” by Shakespeare. I dreamed that someday I would become an actor. I eventually went to New York and in 1961, with $30 in my pocket and became a Shakespearean actor and nosedived a lot; but a dream I had to fulfill. I never met Willie, though.

Feel the Fear

When you listen to your fantasies you might be scared to take action. However, the passion for realizing your dreams outweighs the fear.

Let me put it this way. You want something so badly that it would be a 10 on a scale of 1-10. You are very scared and your fear is at nine. Being that your passion is at ten and your fear is at nine, I suggest you feel the fear and take action anyway.

If the panic is a ten and your passion is at nine…forget about it. You will never do it. You’ve got to want something so badly that the fear becomes secondary.

Here’s a Mantra you could use when fright overtakes you. Put your finger and thumb together and chant aloud: “I’m afraaaaid and I’m going to do it anywayyyy! Ohooooom!

The Journey

Then you start out and you get the stuffing knocked out of you but that’s okay because failing, getting up and moving on molds you into a hardened warrior. Who has ever seen a combatant without scars? It’s cool. It’s like wearing a tattoo.

In 1978, I read a book called “Gestalt Therapy Verbatim” and when I looked at the picture of Fritz Perls, the founder of Gestalt on the back cover, I yearned to become like him. Whenever I met therapists and psychologists, I would quiver with envy and admiration.

I opened, together with my partner, the first ever Gestalt Institute in Haifa, Israel in 1986 without having known fully what Gestalt Therapy was. After all, I had only read a few books and attended some workshops on the subject. Oy, catastrophe is a hoot. Ohoooom!

When I want to do something, I don’t only learn it. I teach it.  In my opinion, it’s better to start when you’re 80% ready and make up the other 20% while you are roaming than it is to wait until you’re 100% prepared. The delay in waiting for that final 20 percent is dysfunctional and adds little value.

My partner was a woman whom I thought could help me since I was convinced she was an expert in Gestalt Therapy. People came from all over the country to study with us and one day someone in the group asked a question concerning the theory. I looked at my partner in anticipation and assumed, “You answer her.” She smiled and whispered, “You know the theory better than I do, Lenny. You tell her.” I looked at her in amazement and blurted, “I thought you did.”  Ohoooom!!

You can’t cross a sea by merely staring at it. Just start and wait to see what happens, rather than sitting on the sidelines deliberating, reflecting and contemplating.  Martin Luther King once understood: “Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step.”

We had fun and spit blood at the same time. I guess that is what a partnership and wisdom is all about, isn’t it?  We botched lots and gained experience until we became more successful. Eventually, we planned the first Gestalt Humor and Laughter Workshop in the world. Again, lots of disappointments, fun, heartaches, and learning experience. Ohoooom!

As I tell my audiences in my funny motivational keynote speeches in London and Hong Kong, you don’t have to be an expert when you start out. Just pick an area of your life that you would like to explore and lean into it. As Rocky Balboa said to his son in “Rocky 6”. “Life is hard. You will get knocked down. Just get up and keep movin’”.

All the best to you. Write to me and let me know how you are doing. And keep moving…Ohoooom!

www.lennyravich.org

The post Don’t Deadline Your Dreams appeared first on Lenny Ravich.